How does it feel?

Have you ever been in a situation that your just not sure what the hell happened in a small time span? Life all about things like that, moments that you have no control over, or maybe you dont want control over, but in the end you just go with it.

Its four thirty in the morning and my chest feels like its about to explode. Do you know whose fault that is? (Yours Truly)... Since i was about eleven years old, i've kept just about every ounce of my life to myself. From my parents divorce, to the death of someone very close to me. And to this day it is the biggest regret i could ever have, mainly due to the fact it led to the acid reflux i have. Some days i think of it as a gift from god, a way of showing others what happens if you dont let yourself open up, or let anyone in. Other days i just feel like im cursed with the inability to calm myself or even approach problems in a normal way. Some people may say i write on my facebook and now this too much about my problems, but in my retaliation this is truly the only way i can open up. I have some of the best friends in the world, and the ones that i met here at BGSU make me realize i can have those type of friends anywhere in the world.

Im not sure how to approach a lot of things in life, and im not truly sure i would want to know how, but i wish for one day, i could just understand what the hell people truly want. I try my best to please certain people in my life, and to no avail they seem to fall right back into square one, and lock themselves right back up. My main question that i keep asking myself is why am i trying to please everyone, why not try to please myself for once, and allow myself to be happy. After countless years thinking that i realized tonight, that its mostly that i dont know how. Im not sure how to make myself happy. I rely so much on others problems and helping them that i can even seem to figure myself out.

Im leaving you all with the question for you to ask yourself.
Do you really know what makes you happy?


"Wishing i could finally see you smile, ive been wanting to see you for a long time...."
-social burn